Ghosts

Hey.

Well, it's hard to find the right words to write this. Like, probably (or not) you saw this drawing and thought "What the hell is this? What is going on? Who is she? Why is she crying and smiling? Who are these ghosts?" Well, this is my mind, actually.

It's been some months that those "ghosts" started to "talking" with me. And they don't say good things. They try to pull me down in every single thing I do, saying that isn't right or enough or good. They keep remembering me my worst mistakes. They put in my head that the only things that I deserve are the worse things that someone can get in the life, and that I should smile and be thankful for it because apparently this is what I deserve. I feel I changed because of these "ghosts". My self-confidence is gone. I hate my body, my way, my likes and dislikes, me as a whole. I stoped doing things that I used to love to do. I don't believe in the words that used to help me anymore. All the compliments are lies. I don't have anyone who I can call a "true friend". I'm afraid of my own parents and relatives. The "happy little moments/things" aren't strong enough anymore. I've been torturing myself psicologically AND phisically, but nothing that couldn't dissapear in some minutes/hours. I don't live, I just exist. I'm just here writing this because I know how a suicide can affect people, you know that; and because I know that there's people that, in one way or another, do care about me.

I know it has to be just my mind playing with my heart, but I've been feeling like this for months by now, so I don't know if this is real or not. I already tried to talk with my parents about having something like anxiety but they didn't understood (as I expected). Since then, I've been hiding my feelings, but the drawings and my writings started to talk for me.

Now that you read this, you're thinking (or not) "This girl must have some psicological problem. Somebody intern her." I know I must have some problem, but I'm still not sure about it. As I said, I must be deceiving myself for so long that I don't even know if I'm sick or not.

Anyway, if you read this until this point, 1st: sorry for filling your head with my personal problems; 2nd: thanks for give me a little of your attention. I really appreciate. I really do.

I'm sorry for hurting you. I don't expect you to like this drawing, but just comprehend it, because I put my heart in it.

P.S.: If ANYONE is in the same situation or felt related with this text, feel free to ask (or offer) help. Even with my head messed up, I still care about you.